Articles urge us to stop talking when someone speaks, to use our body language effectively to encourage the other guy, and to work to understand what is meant as well as what is said. Yet despite all that, developing good listening skills continues to be a challenge for some people. But at least some people some of the time find it equally useful to have the negative pointed out and explained. They want guidelines for what not to do. So here are eight ways that lousy listeners louse up communication and probably louse up their relationships. Some or all of the eight habits are likely to kick in as soon as you broach the subject. Instead, you might try asking for change with exquisite tact and in very small doses. You are most likely to be successful if the person has asked for support in becoming more effective with others or in getting closer to you.
Here are the top five elements of effective listening:. A compliment about what has been said to show your appreciation of something that struck you as interesting, clever, or moving. To be a good listener, you must follow each of these points.
I will be sharing these helpful steps in our Couples Date night this weekend. All this is to say, “you are such a blessing.” Keep up the Great Work.
Body language and unspoken attraction are exciting at the start of a relationship. But as you can probably imagine, those traits do not make for a healthy, lifelong partnership. One of the main reasons couples divorce is because they lost the ability or never had the skills to communicate with one another. Poor listening skills lead to the breakdown in communication in a marriage.
Here’s how to be a more effective and giving listener. Let your spouse finish what they are saying. If this is a problem and you interrupt a lot, find some way to remind yourself to keep quiet. Some people put their chin in their hand as a sign to themselves to not speak until their mate is finished talking. Don’t judge. Jumping to conclusions or looking for the right or wrong in what is being said prevents you from listening. Think before you say anything in response, especially if it is an emotional reaction.
Listen without planning on what you are going to say in response.
Today on The Bad Girls Bible Podcast we are joined by small-town girl, Jenny, who shares with us about growing up in a poor family with parents who did not always get along, moving around frequently and how she and her husband first met. Jenny talks about their secret relationship, moving in together, how he convinced her to get married after all and the challenges of raising their kids together. The unexpected death of a loved one caused a massive rift in their relationship, however, and her life started slowly spiraling out of control.
Not being able to openly mourn her loss, Jenny went into a major depression during which she behaved in erratic ways that threatened her life and that brought even greater discord in her marriage.
With text messages vibrating, news alerts popping up, and constant feeds of content, it’s harder than ever to have a distraction-free conversation. But technology.
Especially when the salient points are buried deeply in a stream of unnecessary detail. This is never more manifest than within my marriage. My wife is a talker who comes from a family of talkers. And because there are so many tangents and tangents upon tangents , I find it really hard to give good, focused attention to my wife.
Now, to be fair, this is typical male behavior but I have no real excuse for it, especially given my profession. No matter how wise or clever you think you are, it is always beneficial to listen more than you talk. I think for me the point is, you will never learn anything about the other person if you are so wrapped up in what you have to say. You already know what you think.
With text messages vibrating, news alerts popping up, and constant feeds of content, it’s harder than ever to have a distraction-free conversation. But technology aside, there are some things we could all be doing to be more engaged when we’re talking with other people. Even those of us who pride ourselves on being great listeners could probably learn a thing or two.
On bad listening: our common misconceptions about attentiveness, our poor subconscious habits, ways we can hone better approaches, and more.
Whether your colleagues interrupt you, ramble on, or seem distracted, the impact is the same: you feel ignored and the chances for misunderstandings — and mistakes — rise. There are, however, ways you can encourage your colleagues to listen better. First, consider their work styles. Ask them how they like to receive information. Some people are visual; others are verbal. Second, be an empathetic listener. Let your colleagues say what they need to.
Does your poor listening have people thinking you’re a bad conversationalist? It’s time to find out! With text messages vibrating, news alerts popping up, and constant feeds of content, it’s harder than ever to have a distraction-free conversation. But technology aside, there are some things we could all be doing to be more engaged when we’re talking with other people. Even those of us who pride ourselves on being great listeners could probably learn a thing or two. Because the truth is, some of the things you’re doing that you think prove how attentive you are —like nodding in agreement, keeping your thoughts to yourself, or sharing a similar story—are actually signs of poor listening skills.
While good listeners are unfortunately pretty hard to come by, it’s a non-negotiable quality in a Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web.
Opening your heart to your spouse—and nurturing theirs—requires listening well. With so many different issues, obligations, devices, and people pulling at us from every direction, it can be difficult to slow down and truly listen to one another. Sometimes, you might want to tune out and lose yourself in your favorite pastime instead—or dive into the list of to-do items you still need to cross off before the day is over.
For you, it gives you a window into their world and their perspective. Maybe your spouse needs to vent about work, and normally, you tune out when they start talking about their tough day or their challenging project. Instead of switching your mind off while they talk, try to see the events of the day through their eyes, and in the context of your life.
Have you been dealing with problems at home, like financial issues, trouble with the kids, or taking care of an ailing parent? In that case, you might respond to your spouse in a totally inappropriate way in your attempt to alleviate the difficult emotions that come up for you. Instead, take a minute to listen for what your spouse might be feeling. This type of intentional listening goes hand-in-hand with empathy. When our emotions go into a tailspin, it can be difficult to keep communication healthy.
Set your opinions aside for long enough to hear what your spouse is saying, then practice your empathy skills to try to understand why.
How much attention do we give to the people who we consider important to us? For one thing, as a society we may be growing more narcissistic. A recent University of California, Los Angeles study showed that the language we use our popular word choices may reflect that we are a more self-centered culture. A study further found that there is a rise in self-centeredness and narcissism among college students. If we, as a culture, are becoming more self-centered, how can we, as individuals, work to become more caring and compassionate communicators?
First, we can change our attitude toward conversation.
Bad listeners happen to good women Dating · Relationships · Marriage I may have grimaced, because the experience sounded bad, and I know I wondered about how what had happened to her so long ago might affect.
Subscriber Account active since. Her boss didn’t say “Thank you” once, the intern screwed up her lunch order, and she didn’t realize until 4 p. According to Adam McHugh, however, there’s a pretty good chance you’re doing it all wrong. One of those is what McHugh calls “The Password. Here’s how he describes it: ” The listener sits quietly through the speaker’s conversation, but then seizes on one word that she uses, amid a sea of paragraphs, and treats it as a password that unlocks a whole new conversation.
This new conversation bears no similarity to the prior one, and it typically begins with two words cleverly masked in relatability: “Speaking of These responses may seem like a way to identify with the speaker’s problems — Hey, you’re not alone! The password trap isn’t unforgivable — most bad listeners would probably say their intentions are good, McHugh says.
An award-winning team of journalists, designers, and videographers who tell brand stories through Fast Company’s distinctive lens. Leaders who are shaping the future of business in creative ways. New workplaces, new food sources, new medicine–even an entirely new economic system. It may seem counterintuitive, but the way to achieve success is to make the people around you successful, says Fred Halstead, author of Leadership Skills that Inspire Incredible Results.
To help others succeed you have to become good at listening. Listening is more than simply hearing what someone has to say.
Bad listeners aren’t bad people – they are probably just excited to talk. Being a better listener will better equip you to understand how other people are feeling. You.
I’ve never needed a psychiatrist. When I poured out my troubles, you listened. When I ranted and raved, you listened. Thank you, my angel, for listening. I must say I like the way you kept your mouth shut throughout our little talk. I thought he’d never stop listening. Contact Information. Our Cartoons. Buying Cartoons. Useful Links. Mobile Apps. Good Listener cartoon 1 of
In the first few months of our relationship we often went to dinner at the same French restaurant in the West Village, where it was quiet and the waiters left us alone. One night I was talking about my parents and how they’d managed to hide the acrimonious parts of their divorce. She listened for a long time and then she told me a story about her father, about how furious he’d been after her mother left him for another man. She was 9, and she and her little brother had been left to live with their father in rural Connecticut.
Her father forced her to go duck hunting with him at dawn on Sunday mornings.
Something as unpleasant as a bad date can be a reminder to pursue your goals, passions, and interests while still making personal.
For example, in a interview by the Harvard Business Review, executives of a manufacturing plant in Chicago were asked questions about a recent seminar they attended on listening. One of the most prolific comments was:. Fast forward 60 years, and the problem has gotten exponentially worse. The human attention span is infamously less than a goldfish.
One study found that half of adults could not describe the content of a short oral presentation 10 minutes , even moments after listening to it. Another survey of thousands of American workers revealed that we are too distracted to be good listeners. Nearly two thirds of respondents noted that listening has become more difficult as the world becomes more digital.
Listening is a simple skill to master. Even the best responses like paraphrasing, asking thoughtful questions, and giving feedback are skills we naturally pick up in the course of our lives. But when it comes down to it, most people are terrible listeners. Instead of fully listening, people fall into common mental traps. You have an awesome story to tell, or a point to make.
he [Dr. Joseph T. Lurito] suggested women were not necessarily better listeners. He said women may need to use more of their brain to listen to conversations.
In it, I broke down the structure of a good story and argued for its role in not just charisma, but in human connection itself. To me, story telling was essential. It was decided by some that rather than being good advice, this was instead detrimental, as it led people to blather on and reel off stories about themselves, without paying attention to anything the other person was saying.
So I put it to the back of mind and moved on. However, despite covering all of these topics, I have never once addressed the importance of listening itself — not just why you should do it, but how the different types of listening occur and how they affect your relationships and happiness itself. What I slowly came to realize is that these different types of listening all orbit around one single decision, a simple decision, that, as I will explain, has far flung consequences in our ability to connect with others, and have memorable interactions.